One day last week I was looking through Kindle books and came across The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts. Normally I wouldn’t have taken a second glance but I’ve been very much into self improvement books lately and figured, why not?
Who couldn’t use a little help being a better partner to their significant other?
Pages in, I was hooked. If you are having problems connecting, not feeling loved, or at a means to an end in thinking your relationship is doomed, give this book a try. Who am I kidding, everyone should give it a read, even if your relationship is flourishing. Relationships are hard work and you should always be looking for ways to make them more fulfilling.
Gary Chapman discusses the concept of what he calls your “love tank”. He goes into how full your love tank is as playing an essential role to the success of your relationship. Let me explain further.
There are 5 Love Languages:
Words of Affirmation -“You are such a great provider.”
Acts of Service – “Let me do the dishes for you. You look exhausted.”
Receiving Gifts – “I found this while I was out and it made me think of you.”
Quality Time – “Let’s leave our phones at home and go on a walk, just us.”
Physical Touch – “Could I hold your hand while we walk?”
Everyone feels love in a different way. Even if the examples above are not your “dialect” of one of the 5 languages, you still are likely to feel them in some form or fashion. You may even have two languages, like I do!
What makes me feel the most loved is quality time and physical touch. This means that when my boyfriend (T) puts down his phone, turns off his xBox and focuses all of his attention on me, I feel overcome with emotion and my love tank fills up fast! Even if it is only for 15-30 minutes a day, it really makes a difference.
My second language is physical touch. Just like I am with quality time, small gentle touches play a vital role to my feeling loved. It can be something as simple as a hand briefly placed on my shoulder while I’m doing dishes or a kiss on my forehead when I’m ill.
The idea behind 5LL though is not to focus on how you will feel the most loved but how it affects your significant other. Are you loving them in their language? Do you know which one they are?
“Love is something you do for someone else, not something you do for yourself.”
I was surprised to find that I was wrong about which one T was. I always thought word’s of affirmation would be his but it ended up being act’s of service. The best way to identify it is to ask your partner what their vision of a perfect partner would be like to them. If they say it is someone that will bring them sweet thoughtful gifts and love notes in their lunches, you know their language is receiving gifts. You can break each answer down into one of the categories.
Chapman goes into further detail on each of the languages and ideas on how to show your significant other love in their language, even if it doesn’t come naturally to you. He also has a chapter that outlines an idea on what to do if you are on the verge of breaking up or filing for divorce. It would seem if there was once love that it can be nourished back to a healthy state.
If you would like to learn more, you can take the quiz with your partner here to find out what your language is or purchase the book here.
Disclaimer- I did not receive monetary compensation for this review. All reviews represent the opinion of 20 Something Syndrome based on personal opinion.
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